Thinking, Overthinking, Underthinking

Life, Oh Life, Oooohhhh Life

The first time I listened to SiR’s New Sky, I felt deeply melancholic. Melancholy - that is a word I feel describes my vibe, my aesthetic, me. I know people wouldn’t assign it to me and like to dispute me when I say this, but I know myself better. So and therefore. In the same vein, I do not think I am good and I am not invested in being nice.

I remember reading “Do you feel your feelings or do you think your feelings?” and it made me pause because sometimes you think you know the answer because that is what you wish it to be. And then realise that it is not how things are. And even more so, I ask, is there something wrong with doing either or both?

If I was to ask, who determines what beauty is, what would you say? How do you know who is beautiful or who is ugly? Based on what standards exactly? And standards set by who? Don’t you find it interesting how beauty is gendered in humans?

Thinking around desirability and worth has led me down paths I never thought I would go. And let me just say, divesting from the politics of beauty, of desirability, isn’t easy. As Kimberly Foster posits in this video, which I suggest you all watch, Beauty is a system, capital and I am aware of this, I get it - and I agree with her general sentiments around it.

Here are some writings on beauty that I think are pivotal:

In the living of this life, the process of unlearning, learning and relearning, there are people who fall by the way side, both ways. That shit is painful. Sitting in discomfort, accepting your participation and hoping that time will heal or at least the scab won’t be so itchy.

Somehow, when capitalism is marketing to us the concept of “living your best life” it seem we are being told that our best lives should look the same. That we should aspire to want the same things, buy the same things, watch the same shows, obsess over your bodies………..

And if that isn’t the definition of a scam, I don’t know what is.

I like the phrase “disengaged from the business of living.” I think it explains something that sometimes I don’t have words for so succinctly. One of the best essays I read this year was “I am not always very attached to being alive”.

This white boy R&B song is nice.

See you in January.

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