I turned 40 this month and two of my cousins called me to ask if I felt down because when they were turning 40, they did. I do not feel down, if anything I am finding ageing to be fascinating.
What does it mean to be 40? When I was young, I thought forty was super old. Granted, when my mother was 40, I was a high school going 17 year old which probably aided the belief.
I somewhat understand the goals society makes people set (or believe in) because I can imagine saying things such as “I want to have acquired/built/owned xyz by 40” and then the feeling that comes from either achieving or not achieving it. Personally, I have worked hard to unlearn some of these expectations and as a result do not seriously keep such things in mind. My “goals” are very arbitrary - I want to go places without concern for money and I want to do the least amount of work I need to do to achieve this. Does that sound flighty, unserious? I hope so. This post also.
Anyway, I had a birthday dinner the weekend after and I spoke about this passage from Arundhati Roy’s essay The End of Imagination and I wanted to share it as it is written here:
I told my friend there was no such thing as a perfect story. I said in any case hers was an external view of things, this assumption that the trajectory of a person’s happiness, or let’s say fulfillment, had peaked (and now must trough) because she had accidentally stumbled upon “success.” It was premised on the unimaginative belief that wealth and fame were the mandatory stuff of everybody’s dreams.
(……….)
The only dream worth having, I told her, is to dream that you will live while you’re alive and die only when you’re dead. (………...)
I tried to explain, but didn’t do a very good job of it. Sometimes I need to write to think. So I wrote it down for her on a paper napkin. This is what I wrote: To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.
The End of Imagination - Arundhati Roy
Related, this conversation is good. Check it out.
I always feel weird when I share my playlists but I still do it and so my playlist of video essays continues to grow, for those interested click here.
Finally, the cake was from Sugarbaked and I really enjoyed it. It has been so long since I have had such cake due to the whole lactose intolerance business and eating this deliciously rich one was such a joy.
Also, not sure how many of those reading this watch anime, however, I have watched over three hundred episodes of various anime shows in the last two months and I can't stop thinking about these ones:
Chihayafuru - Three seasons of absolute awesomeness
Kono Oto Tomare!
Mashiro no Oto
Nodame Cantabile
I am finding anime about ancient Japanese art and culture particularly interesting - I realised that they don’t often end their shows with a neat bow - happily ever after vibes (at least the ones I have watched). There will be growth but not necessarily “success”.