For years, I have used blogging to think (among other things). When I started my first blog in 2005, it was as a result of a break up that destabilised my life and I used the blog to vent. While it was cathartic, it, in hindsight, definitely was not healing. It has been 18 years and four blogs later and it was not until this year that I released the pressure I had put on myself to write these missives. For example, I would drop this newsletter on 25th of every month - I still have the reminder set on my phone even if I don’t do it anymore. I find that I thrive off of the routines but it also makes me anxious. I have been trying to find a balance and it has pretty much resulted in me occupying my time and mind on other things; mostly reading. But I keep thinking about things I want to say and at the same time I ponder “Do people really want to hear my opinion, missives and diatribes?”
Who is this writing for?
When I am asked I always say that I do it for myself and also out of habit - but is that the truth?
If everyone is against you, if you are giving to all these people who don’t reciprocate - then surely you must sit yourself down and ask whether all is well with you.
That is what I believe anyway.
By virtue of the fact that I spend inordinate amounts of time watching videos on TikTok, I have seen quite a number of videos of people lamenting that they give of themselves to people who don’t reciprocate, that their friends and family don’t understand them “woe is me - how good I am and people take advantage of it". Of course as I am a big proponent of people overestimating their goodness - I am already second guessing this line of thinking. Also, this video is relevant. Because sometimes we say yes to things we should say no to and use that to make ourselves look like better people.
I think this is a good video to watch:
As always, Capitalism remains insidious.