I had been thinking about going back to school for a bit. I make a good student, or so I thought. And because I have a tendency to start things but not finish I decided to first take some courses on Coursera. I enjoyed some of the classes on there (I suggest The Science of Happiness by Yale University if you are keen). Since I finished a couple of them with no issue, I decided to enroll for a certificate course in Counselling Psychology. I really cannot believe I did a whole course for three months. And can I state for the record that exams are torturous? They definitely killed any idea I had to pursue any more courses.
Before I even delve into what those classes made me think about let me say that it was a mind fuck to have the instructor want to start class with a word of prayer. Of course I shut that down on day one but still, is that a thing that happens? Also, being in classes where they are quick to say a counsellor shouldn’t be prejudiced, they surely do bring up religion a lot. During one of the classes, I sent this to my friend because I was SEETHING.
The trainer could tell I thought the question was ridiculous based on how I answered and that I was straight up judging her for even thinking it was a sensible question to ask.
Now onto what I intended this post to be about: Some thoughts I had as a result of what I learnt in this class. I will use counsellors/therapists interchangeably even though they are different professions.
(TW: Mentions of suicide from here on)
I am a believer that we generally and specifically need therapy, however, I am questioning the QUALITY of counsellors/therapists in this country, based on cost and competence. It is easy to say - and I do say it often- “you need therapy” but finding someone who will understand you and even at the basic level help - that part isn’t easy. As an example, my cousin, a pediatrician, was speaking about the increased cases of suicide attempts by teens this year - they are dealing with on average, 3 kids per week. In August, the media reported that 10 people died by suicide in one weekend. There is a mental health crisis in the world generally but also in Kenya specifically. And we pay it lip service. Did you know Kenya has a Mental Health Action Plan?
There is a reason talk therapy focuses on childhood. A simple example: emotional regulation. Were you taught that as a child? - if caregivers do not equip (teach?) children how to self regulate their emotions - so many things that end up happening in their adult life (or even teenage-hood if I am being real) can be attributed to this one thing. If caregivers tell children for example “continue crying and I will beat you” without finding out or exploring with them why they are feeling what they are feeling, a myriad of things can result including even how one attaches to people (attachment theory). Even beyond this, we are quite quick to find the why of the emotion instead of feeling the emotion. Do you know how to feel the emotion, to sit with it before trying to think through it? All these are things we do not know how to do innately, they are taught by our initial caregivers. Because often, based on reactions from them, we tend to mask our emotions. I could go on and on.
I am a middle child with a lot (not all) of the personality traits associated with middle children as per the Birth Order Theory. I am a recovering people pleaser for example, have been the peace maker in our family etc.
There is a lack of cultural nuance in the theories of psychology i.e it is very western and very white.
Connection and love are used synonymously and they should not. We need connection in this world. Seeking validation from people is not love. Being partnered is not connection and neither is it love. Romantic love is not the connection that will save us.
To be clear, I am not (yet) a counsellor - that would require at the very least two more years of school which I cannot do. However, I can volunteer at the suicide hotline if I wanted to.
Wishing you all a good end of the year.